Moving Forward

Since it's been a few days clearly some things have gone on. First in August, Anthony and I (after we had some time apart) went to Acadia National Park and Bar Harbor for the day. First we stopped at a really delicious breakfast place on the way and he paid. Then we made it to Bar Harbor and it was a beautiful day even though finding parking was hard. We talked about everything and we are both still very flirty with each other. It's just how we naturally are towards each other and will be with our weird friendship.We watched the sunset on Cadillac mountain. We got back at like 12am but it was such a good day. Then we went to see a movie like a couple weeks later and that was fun. But since i paid for all the food he now owes me dinner. Since then he has become very busy being a full time student and full time working but even though we tell each other how busy we are yet we see each other at least once a week now and just hang out. Usually after we get out of work. We had a long serious convo a couple week a go and yelling occurred but everything was put out in the open that i had been holding back and it felt good. Then we cuddled afterwards haha. We talk on the phone here and there and text. Last night we had our version of pizza and beer. Meat lovers pizza, hot wings, angry orchard for me, and hard liqueur for him. I didn't get home until 1am. He let me borrow some sweatpants because i was sick of wearing scrubs for so long. It was a blast though im glad we hung out. Uhm i am working on getting my veterinary assistant career diploma at pennfoster. it feels good to be learning again. It's interesting stuff! Work sucks and takes up ALL my time to the point of where i barely see my parents even and i live with them. Im working on my resume so i can send it into a kennel that's like 15 mins away from me that's also connected to a veterinary hospital. I got a new tattoo in August. Cherry blossom on my shoulder. I love it! and i love the month of October because well HALLOWEEN! even though im working that entire week. Uhm we got our plane tickets for the trip to Hawaii in December and i cant wait. Im hoping to find a new digital camera on black Friday because i don't want to use my cellphone or the piece of crap camera i already have that i don't use anymore. Other than that not much going on. Oh my ex is going to be dad..good for him.. 
I have started going yoga on a daily basis and since i have been to my doctors I have lost weight like 8 pounds but still its something. Oh and I have been baking more and we got a Keurig the other weekend and I love it! It's bright blue! and now we have dsl which means i can stream all the time and now get netflix instant back!! im working on Dexter now:) Life is okay for now.

Keep Moving

Clearly it has been awhile since i have written in this. I guess i just have been avoiding to type what really is going on. Anthony dumped me even though we weren't even in a relationship. It really hit me hard and it sucked. We are trying things out as friends. It kind of still sucks because clearly i have feelings for him more than a friend but i have to hinder them because he just wants us as friends. We didn't see each other for a month and then we went to Acadia together for the entire day and it was actually really great. I thought it was going to hurt but it didn't. I still have moments where i kind of wish we were more but i have to keep those thoughts to myself. We are going to the movies tomorrow to see The Worlds end. Should be fun although we don't talk a lot in between the time we see each other.. He kind of sucks at talking via phone or Facebook. I have to learn to get used to it. I mean god forbid he doesn't love me and my name doesn't rhyme with Feather therefore why talk to me anyways. I'm lower on his totem pole now so whatever. Nothing is going to come out of this friendship as in it wont move forward because he doesn't feel anything more for me than that which means why the hell did he keep saying how much he liked me and how wonderful and etc i was when we were dating. You son of a B! men i swear to god. Fix yourself before breaking me huh. 
Work is ridiculous and i want to take a veterinary assistant program at pennfoster. it says it should take about 4 months. 
Supposed to be going to Hawaii in December to see my brother and sister in law and i have to save a grand up for this trip. Yeah that should be real easy. I hope i can even get the time off. Other than that not much else going on in my world for now.

Still Breathing

Clearly it has been awhile since I have updated this. I wouldn't say a lot of things have gone on but enough to write about. I have decided to take grad classes online instead of going for my vet tech degree and then reapply to vet school again. I keep changing my mind but I think this time I know what I am going to do. Work is work busy and overworked. Could be worse I suppose.
My other best friend from high school is moving to Florida Saturday. so there goes that. At least I got to say goodbye to her.
Things with Anthony have been so friggan crazy its not even funny. This is what you get when you see each other but aren't in a relationship. I don't even know where to begin. Since my birthday I guess the first thing was his friend whos also mine decided to start crap with him because he wont get the balls to be in a relationship with me and thinks he is just playing with me and stringing me a long and so forth and that pissed him off to the point of where he almost said forget it to me nd walked away. Bull#&$* if I was going to let that happen. I haven't been with someone in over three years and I really like him so I was going to lose him after barely 2 months. Things did go back to normal for a little while after that blew off. Then he had PortConMaine which is like Comic-Con but its in Portland ,maine. and he became very busy and we didn't get to spend as much time together which was fine I completely understood he works there so he has a lot to do. So we went out on a triple date with my other two girlfriends and their boys and it was really nice. Im glad we got to do it before he left and it was enjoyable. Throughout all the time we kept going back to the convo of why we aren't in a relationship. He is just confusing. Everyone is at a different time in their life so hey whatever. We don't need to label us as anything right now im happy your happy its fine. So then he came back from PortCon and spent the next day (he has been on vacation for 10 days) with his ex/best friend who's still in love with him and im pretty sure he still has feelings for her which is definitely another reason why we aren't in a relationship even though he didn't actually come out and say those exact words. We talked the day after and I could tell he was upset about it because shes moving away and obviously she still means a lot to him but I hope he can get out of his sad slump eventually and move on with his life. Shes going off and doing something she loves more than anything or anyone probably and he has to move on with his life as well. Im sure they will stay close friends I have no doubt about that. But it is a part of life people who mean a lot to you move on and away but that doesn't mean you have to not be part of each others lives anymore it is just in a different way.
I on the other hand hope it distresses him from worrying about it all the time and we can move on the next step not meaning a relationship just not stuck I don't know. we'll see what happens. How long can you date someone without really falling for them and not being in a relationship? I haven't seen him since last Tuesday morning and wont be able to until this coming Tuesday if I can. he says his life is crazy because he has college stuff. Well I didn't bother you about seeing you over your vacation. I m just asking for one day. Im sure it wont hinder the other stuff you are doing that much.
Busy work weekend ahead. Working literally all weekend!

Birthday Week

I say week because today is really my birthday but I celebrated it a few days before. Monday Anthony took me to work and then took me out to lunch during my work break and paid for me. Then picked me up from work and we hung out for awhile at his place. We were supposed to go out to eat so we got all dressed up but by the time we left everywhere was closing. SOOOO we went to Shaws all dressed up and he bought food to cook me an Italian dinner and some wine. So he made me Caprese  Salad and Shrimp Carbonara. It was amazing and delicious:) I liked watching him cook. The next day I worked all day so we hung out after work. Watched game of thrones and such. Then Wednesday we celebrated my birthday because I cant see him today so he just spoiled me. I mean he didn't buy me anything but I'm glad. He was just really sweet.
Today my mom gave me a living locket from origami Owl. Its  necklace with little charms. it's very sweet and pretty. And Anthony got me a video game I really wanted which he shouldn't have but it is nice being spoiled instead of the other way around which it always was. I like him:)
We are still just dating. I am fine with that I don't want to rush him until he is ready I enjoy what we do even though EVERYONE I know calls him my boyfriend and me his girlfriend and yet neither of us say anything when people say that. it's too confusing to explain. He is awesome and makes me feel like the most beautiful woman alive:)
Memorial weekend meaning a long weekend at work hopefully it goes by fast. This month certainly is!

Because life is short and you are hot

Things have been going great with Anthony:) We have been dating for a month now and we are not in a relationship yet oh though the way we act sometimes it feels like it haha. He doesn't want to rush but also because the last girl he was with he works with and they are close friends and she asked him specifically to not tell her about his dating life so he told me until he can take me to work and show me off he has no right to call me his girlfriend and when he asks me he wants to make it special:)
I've been on vacation since the 11 and it has been going wonderful. Spent the first couple days with one of my best friends then I spent the next few days with Anthony:) Now I am just having some down time which I miss and then its girls night Friday and back to see Anthony Sunday night for game of thrones night with his friends. He took me to Portsmouth NH Tuesday to walk around and then I met his mom and we went to Kittery for some shopping which I blew some money. Then we went to see Iron Man 3 in a HUGE Imax Theater in Mass. I didn't get home until midnight but it was a fantastic day:) He is a wonderful man and makes me incredibly happy:)

I bought a new wine that Barefoot just came out with where you are supposed to drink it on ice and it is really delicious. I've also seem  to have gone down a pant size. I had to get rid of my two favorite pair of Old Navy shorts that have not been worn enough because they got to big and now my pants are too big so I wash them so they fit better. I don't really know how it happened but it did.

My parents told me if I decide to do online schooling or stay in Maine to do my vet tech program they will pay my car payment! oh the money I will be able to save!! no loan payments and no car payment holy smokes. I am so lucky to have the support I do. Thank You Parentals:) Life is going pretty well for me. I hope things continue to look up! There is a school in Maine where I can get my degree and its accredited.

and now for something completely different..

My last post talked about the schooling and going to San Diego and what not. Yeah thats not going to happen anymore. I have to think of a Plan C now. Maybe online classes of some sort? anywho this post isn't about that. It's about a more personal thing that is going on in my life and his name is Anthony:) (NO NOT MY EX)

My friend at work goes to me one day I so have the perfect guy for you. She goes on to explain who he is and that they have been close friends for awhile. she worked with him at her previous job. I met him once when we went to Ruby Tuesdays and my first impression was he must be gay because he was really cute and he liked my Doctor Who phone case. And i didn't think anything of him after that. Then she mentioned it again and i was like okay and we went to Ruby Tuesdays to celebrate her birthday (he is a chef there) and my heart was racing a mile a minute. He sat down across and my face just turned beet red and i was like lost for words. A guy hasn't been able to do that to me in a long while and i didn't even know him. He was just so good looking holy crap. Then we left and i went back to work and told my friend well ask him what his impression of me was and i was like i want to add him on facebook but i feel like a creeper so i waited like half a week before i actually added him. Thankfully he added me back then it was another weeek and i was like what the heck i dont want to talk to him first i would feel wierd so i just kept waiting and eventually he talked to me first and i was absolutely ecstatic. Eventually it led to him asking me out down the line. I didn't think it would happen because of some complication with another girl on his end so i thought great some really awesome guy i would like to get to know but still hooked on another girl. just my luck as always. BUT this time luck was on my side. We made a date and the day came which was really the next day and he took me to a place in maine that i havent been. Even though pretty much everything was closed i still had an awesome time. The awesome time continued longer than i thought it would. He took me to brunch the next day to the cutest little place with amazing food. He knows his food. Since than i have seen him a few more times and will be seeing him tomorrow and tuesday.  He pretty much is hitting everything on my check list haha. He may be 5 years older but i could care less. he is awesome. I must really friggan like him if i talk on the phone with him but the best part is i really like talking on the phone with him:) that is a rare sight indeed for me.

So yeah i really like him a lot. I wish he could be more open about it him and i on his side of things but i understand the situation of not wanting to hurt someone you care about. ive been down that road before. Either way i am sticking around for awhile because i could not be happier right now:) i really cant wait to see him tomorrow:) we are going hiking in camden tuesday which i am also really excited about:) we have so much in common its awesome! and he makes me feel really good about myself:) Even long hard days at work are not so bad because of him. I smile like an idiot all the time now. Now i must get things done so i can get ready for the next few days even though i just want to play video games all day. I havent in awhile:/ Ah well happy days:) I have vacation soon too!

Big Step

First off I am not going to Vet School this year unfortunately I was denied from all four schools. Now I have to think of a Plan B and i am not sure exactly what that is yet. I have to research all my options.

Inbetween all this my ex well his name is Tony we started to talk again. It was just facebook messaging at first here and there and then he said why dont we text instead so i did. We have been texting regularly for a few weeks now. Oh the things he says but it would take too long to type them all down. Basically he is divorced well not by papers yet but and is living in San Diego now. His ex wife cheated on him twice, they almost had a kid but unfortunate circumstances happened and that didnt happen...we basically hit on each other but its like a natural thing for us to do. It doesnt go past anything else. We both never want to be with each other again. I find himm physically attractive still but thats it. He is not what I am looking for anymore.

Besides that news I have discovered my Plan B. I wanted to go to school in Citrus Heights California, for a tech program, and i could have lived with my grandfather but now I am not for well A. classes start April 1 and B. I found a school San Diego Mesa College, Its a community college but it has a special program, only 30 students get in, and its 2 years to become a RVT. My main interest was the San Diego Zoo and from the sound of the program you do it a lot with different types of animals. The tuition for non resident is expensive. If i dont get in this year I would like to still  go to San Diego but take classes part time and work full time so i can at least defer my loans and then i could become a resident and it would be cheaper. Iwould be living with well tony yeah i know my ex thats bad but we are friends. And the navy pays for his apartment so he is apartment hunting now and will get everything settled by the time I get there. I plan on getting a part time job being a full time student. And when he is deployed for 6 months to sea hes going to set up payments automatically from his account to mine to help pay even though hes not going to be there for those months. he even offered to help pay my loan payments (which is a grand) a month if i couldnt get them deferred. I was completely taken back by that. I was shocked. He wants me to be able to pursue my dreams and hes going to help as much as possible. its very nice of him. It will be wierd to live with him but i think it should be fine. Both us will be busy enough that we shouldnt get in the way of each other.

This is a big step for me but I think I'm quite ready for another adventure. Couldn't have said it better my self bilbo baggins.

The Days Blur Together

I feel like everyday is the same day. Get up go to work come home sleep go to work the next day and on and on. But hey i wont be doing this forever, i consider this my in between time, where will i be going next? Hopefully vet school one day. At least the last two weeks I have gotten overtime! whooooooot! Still have not hear back from Georgia,...

In other news my brother went to Jamaica (Sandals) for his honeymoon and they had a fabulous time. They told me all about it. I love having a sister-in-law its great:)  They came over for dinner last Sunday and it was so much fun. My brother was going through ALL of his stuff and we were reminiscing and such:) Then Tuesday they had their pictures done. It was supposed to be at a beach but their day was just not going their way:-/. I felt bad. Their photographer bailed and it was too late to go to the beach for pictures. So they ended up taking them in her moms back year where they had a pond but of course its all snow covered. Her mom took the pictures but thanks to pinterest we got some fabulous ideas and the pictures came out great. They are getting them edited for free by the photographer who wasnt able to take them because she didnt feel well. When they are edited they will look beautiful. I also took some brother/sister pictures because my parents done have any good ones of us. I had a blast though. Then we went to Mac's Grill. I havent been there in years! i had a burger with pineapple and cheddar on it. The meat was good but they should have used a pineapple slice and not chunks because I ate most of the burger before i hit the pineapple. Had an Angry Orchard and was not asked for my ID. My brother stated he felt old because i was drinking alcohol haha.

We had a blizzard which was great for work because it was a coastal storm and got like 24inches of snow. but where i lived was only like a foot. So for about 5 days we walked dogs one at a time because the snow drifts were so high we couldn't use them. Thankfully they got plowed right as we filled up for February Vacation. It wasnt too bad. I am pretty used to busy weekends/weeks after christmas/new years.

My brother told me about how they made a second Alice game. The first one came out awhile ago; American Mcgee's Alice and it was sooo awesome! i played that game a lot and now its worth like $100 and I cant believe we got rid of that game AHHH. Anyways its on xbox 360 and I plan on buying it once i get paid Tuesday especially since i got overtime the past two weels. During the summer we get overtime like almost every week because we are full like all the time. My kindle is really awesome and i like it. I do wish the books werent so expensive but that might be changing soon. I bought a Vc Andrews book for $7 and its like 20 years old. ya.

I started talking to "him" again. Its actually rather nice. He got me through work the other day when i was ready to strangle my co worker. Basically texted him from like 3-7 when i was ready to just go nuts. It helped. Don;t worry there are NO NO NO feelings attached to him or talking to him. trust me.

I guess it;s time to head back to work soon. Oh and I have started watching The Walking Dead. Only on episode 3 but i like it so far!

WEDDING BELLS and babies(?)

BUT not for me. haha but I will get to that in a bit.
It's been awhile since I wrote in this only because there isn't really much to tell except for a few things here and there so I wait for them to add up to tell about them. I still haven't heard back from my last school I applied to which is Georgia. I don't really have much of  a back up plan right now, that's something i Have to talk to my parents about. Work is going well, it's a little slow right now which believe it or not can be very boring but I am still getting the hours I need. Things will pick up this week with our bath special and next week at the end of the week starts February vacation which means lots of dogs for a whole week..mmm hopefully some overtime! I still love my job and the people there so that helps a lot:)

Purchases for the past few weeks include a Kindle Paperwhite 6" HD Display and Wifi and touch screen. That's pretty much it. I did go to the mall Saturday and got denied an Old Navy card because either of my student loans or I haven't worked long enough. Oh well no biggie. I got a 2013 Calander which was only $2 (The Hunger Games). I discovered Newbury Comics and it is like Geek Heaven and I LOVE IT! I got my dad a Doctor Who poster with all the doctors on it. My mom wants to frame it. I went to look for some Handcream for my ultra dry hands at The Body Shop and got Hemp Lotion which is also waterproof and as I left the body shop I discovered LUSH and OMFG that place is amazing. I ended up buying another handcream called Lemon Flutter and its amazing. I only have to use a little for my hands so it's worth the price I paid. My hands are already starting to feel better. I also got a new card game SORRY. Everything was 50% off in the board game store. Got a new pair of jeans to replace the two I just got rid of and a long sleeve that was like $5 and an adapter so i can plug my kindle in the wall instead of charging it via the computer. Only $5 at Old Navy and it's like 20 on line.

BIG EVENTS:
One of my best friends is pregnant and probably getting married this summer. HOLY CRAP. but i always knew she would be the first one of course not with a guy she hadnt even been dating for a year but hey waht the heck why not. Shes going to be a damn good mom and thats what matters

and EVEN BIGGER my brother is officially married as of today February 4, 2013 and I could not be happier.:) I now have a sister in law and she is awesome. After the signing of the papers and I got to sign because I was a witness we celebrated at Gritty's with a drink and some appetizers. It was a blast:))) I can't believe he is married tehee and now they are off to have their wedding ceremony in Jamaica at Sandals resort plus honeymoon for the week.

ANNND that's all for now folks!

New Year

Welcome to 2013! Hopefully this is the year for big good change! So far two of the four schools have rejected me..damn. I got one of the letters on Christmas Eve and it was so unfair to ruin my holiday with that, minus the whole I got sick with a horrible cold and missed two days of work and I still have my cold.It is hanging on way too long.
I worked Christmas morning and i felt like death. I pushed myself way too much. Then it started to snow so the roads were crap and I drove to my grandparents and basically went straight to bed and around 5 I forced myself to get up so we could open up presents. I could barely open mine thankfully it was only like 2.
Then I took a sick day the day after Christmas and the next day after that i got stuck at my grandparents with like a foot of snow so I was unable to work that day too. I pretty much watched stargate on my laptop for two days because I got Stargate and Stargate Atlantis the complete series for Christmas. It sucked missing those days because my paycheck wasn't as high as I planned but it's okay. I worked an extra long shift the day I came back which helped a little.
My co-worker also got sick at the same time but she was worse off with like a 104 degree fever,..she got more of the flu than me.
Now i just continue to work and wait for the next two schools to get back to me.